Dear Universal Remote Controls Priced Under $15,
You are not universal. You are impossible to program. How many times have I wasted my money on you, and sincerely thought I was going to be able to make you work? Several. That is the answer. What a waste. You make me mad. You make me sad. Who do you work for? Will you introduce me to them? I want to meet the people who you do work for.
No love lost,
Kate
(never again)
Dear Universal Remote Controls Priced Over $15,
Just because I am spending "top dollar" on a universal remote does not mean I need to link 4 or more 'things' together. I have a dvd player, and a tv. I want one remote. Maybe, just maybe I'll go old school one day and get an old vcr. But you probably won't support something that old, will you. Ugh. You only like blue-ray, and dvr's and uh, satellite boxes, and crazy stuff like that. I just want to be able to go from my dvd to my tv. I don't think that's so much to ask, and all the extra buttons- that just means 'll hit too many extra buttons! The likelihood of me hitting the wrong button and making horrible static appear on screen is dramatically higher the more buttons you add to a remote.
Some Animosity,
Kate
(I want to work it out, really)
Friday, March 4, 2011
To my Blog
To my woefully neglected Blog,
Heeeey, how you doin? So, it's been a while. I know, I know. I've been meaning to get at you- I uh, I lost your number....? Well blogs don't have numbers... I'm lousy with excuses.
Let's just say, between you and me blog, that 2010 was not a good year for me. So trying to carry on the whole "intelligent blog with a concept" thing, that just was so not happening.
I'm gonna try and be here more. I promise you blog, I promise I have things to say, letters to write, I want to shout into the Abyss.
Love,
Kate
(things to do, letters to write)
Heeeey, how you doin? So, it's been a while. I know, I know. I've been meaning to get at you- I uh, I lost your number....? Well blogs don't have numbers... I'm lousy with excuses.
Let's just say, between you and me blog, that 2010 was not a good year for me. So trying to carry on the whole "intelligent blog with a concept" thing, that just was so not happening.
I'm gonna try and be here more. I promise you blog, I promise I have things to say, letters to write, I want to shout into the Abyss.
Love,
Kate
(things to do, letters to write)
To an Unnamed Lover
Dear Sir,
I mean it, you are very dear to me. I know you have commitment issues. I know you have a pile of neuroses, and insecurities, and idiosyncrasies. I feel very close to you, for all of these things, and more. For every hobby, every interest, every thing. There is almost no thing that makes me happier than being near you. I like going out with you, I like staying in with you. I like sleeping with you, not even just the sex, but the sleep. The cuddles, the feeling of being safe in your arms. I've never met another person I could just sleep with. I wish I could just say all of this to you, but you can be a bit skittish when it comes to all of this affection.
Don't be mistaken, my dear, I am well aware of your flaws. You don't know how to say no, you take on every project- which leaves you with an impossibly full schedule, which means you don't have lots of time to spend with me. You don't know how to take a compliment, and your self deprecating makes Woody Allen sound like Donald Trump. When you can't just take a compliment it makes me feel like you don't take my words seriously, as though my opinion of you isn't valid.
It would be a lie, my dear, to tell you that I am unaware of your 'reputation'. I have been told by other women to "run in the other direction as fast as possible" from you. You yourself try to paint the way your past relationships have ended with you as the villain or the monster. Some of your ex-girlfriends are absolutely full of bile. But me? I've never seen a side of you that has made me feel anything but good. Even your bad days, even when you're tired, and grumpy, and you've had your fill of people getting on your nerves, you're only sweet to me.
With Love,
Kate
(someday, someday I will tell you how much I love you)
I mean it, you are very dear to me. I know you have commitment issues. I know you have a pile of neuroses, and insecurities, and idiosyncrasies. I feel very close to you, for all of these things, and more. For every hobby, every interest, every thing. There is almost no thing that makes me happier than being near you. I like going out with you, I like staying in with you. I like sleeping with you, not even just the sex, but the sleep. The cuddles, the feeling of being safe in your arms. I've never met another person I could just sleep with. I wish I could just say all of this to you, but you can be a bit skittish when it comes to all of this affection.
Don't be mistaken, my dear, I am well aware of your flaws. You don't know how to say no, you take on every project- which leaves you with an impossibly full schedule, which means you don't have lots of time to spend with me. You don't know how to take a compliment, and your self deprecating makes Woody Allen sound like Donald Trump. When you can't just take a compliment it makes me feel like you don't take my words seriously, as though my opinion of you isn't valid.
It would be a lie, my dear, to tell you that I am unaware of your 'reputation'. I have been told by other women to "run in the other direction as fast as possible" from you. You yourself try to paint the way your past relationships have ended with you as the villain or the monster. Some of your ex-girlfriends are absolutely full of bile. But me? I've never seen a side of you that has made me feel anything but good. Even your bad days, even when you're tired, and grumpy, and you've had your fill of people getting on your nerves, you're only sweet to me.
With Love,
Kate
(someday, someday I will tell you how much I love you)
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